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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26511445">your name forever the name on my lips</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyrdfell/pseuds/wyrdfell'>wyrdfell</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Blink and you'll miss it, I'm really bad at tags, Idiots in Love, M/M, Sort Of, ashe is baby, dimitri can't whisper, felix swears a couple of times, i wish i knew, ingrid knows everything, look at that man and tell me he doesn't whisper shout, seriously i'm bad at tags i'm sorry, sometimes i think i am very funny, song!fic, sylvain is a dumbass, very very vague sex mention, when is this even set</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:07:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,807</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26511445</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyrdfell/pseuds/wyrdfell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sylvain's father dies, he leaves to fulfil his duty of the heir of his house. He doesn't stop to think about what he's leaving behind.</p><p>or</p><p>Felix pretends not to be sad about Sylvain suddenly developing a sense of duty, and everyone sees right through him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>your name forever the name on my lips</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don't really have any excuses for this one. I just had the idea and it wouldn't leave me alone and now here I am.</p><p>I apologise for my characterisation. I am still very much feeling out these characters so who knows how accurate this is. I tried, though.</p><p>With love and thanks as always to my wonderful, long suffering beta roserosa. She deserves better than to have to read all the drivel that comes out of my head.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>I still remember the look on your face<br/>
Lit through the darkness at 1:58<br/>
The words that you whispered<br/>
For just us to know<br/>
You told me you loved me<br/>
So why did you go<br/>
Away<br/>
Away</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"I love you."</p><p>Sylvain's face is soft with sleep, eyes half lidded as he murmurs the words into Felix's hair. It is quiet, and casual, and entirely without fanfare, and that makes it so completely and utterly unlike anything Sylvain has ever done that for a moment Felix is certain he's misheard.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>The quiet, tired chuckle that Sylvain huffs doesn't answer his question. Felix can feel the heat rushing to warm his face and he curses Sylvain's ability to be the one person able to throw him off guard like this, to be so unexpected and leave Felix scrambling to gather himself.</p><p>Perhaps it isn't so unlike anything Sylvain has ever done, after all.</p><p>"Did I wake you?" Sylvain asks, and he loosens his arms a little as Felix shifts, moving so he can tilt his head back to look at Sylvain's face.</p><p>He immediately wishes he hadn't.</p><p>Sylvain is lit by soft moonlight. It washes him out, bathes him in a pale glow that makes Felix wonder if there is any time that Sylvain <em>doesn't</em> look good. His hair is mussed, flat on one side where he's being lying on it, and he has a small, sleepy smile on his face. His eyes, though. Sylvain's eyes aren't clouded by the sleep that clings to his voice, and they're watching Felix so gently, so softly, like he is something that is all kinds of wonderful.</p><p>"Stop looking at me like that."</p><p>Sylvain laughs quietly. "Like what?"</p><p>"That!"</p><p>"I don't know what you mean, Fe. Use your words."</p><p>The teasing makes Felix flush, and Sylvain's expression warms. He leans in to press a soft kiss against Felix's forehead, to nuzzle into his hair like some sort of overgrown cat and Felix mutters something about how Sylvain is insufferable but there is no bite behind it. There never is, when they're alone like this in the quiet stillness of the night.</p><p>"Stop looking at me like...like that! With your eyes!"</p><p>Sylvain's laughter does nothing but draw a scowl to Felix's face, jostling him as he lays still curled against Sylvain.</p><p>"Shut up!" he snaps, face burning.</p><p>"I didn't say anything, Fe," Sylvain says as his chuckles finally die down.</p><p>"Didn't need to," Felix mutters, folding his arms across his chest.</p><p>"You know, your ability to cross your arms like this while lying down is actually impressive."</p><p>"You're still doing it!"</p><p>"What? Looking at you like that?" Sylvain laughs, and tenderly brushes some hair back from Felix's face. "Would you like me to just stop looking at you at all?"</p><p>Felix shoves against Sylvain's chest, pushing him out the bed even as he laughs, eyes crinkling at the edges, unphased as always by Felix's dark scowl. He closes his eyes as he climbs back into the bed, making promises never to look at Felix ever again in a voice breathless from laughter.</p><p>Felix thinks about those promises, later. Thinks about how he hadn't taken them seriously. If he had, maybe it would have hurt less when Sylvain followed through on them.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I do recall now<br/>
The smell of the rain<br/>
Fresh on the pavement<br/>
I ran off the plane<br/>
That July ninth<br/>
The beat of your heart<br/>
It jumps through your shirt<br/>
I can still feel your arms</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The smell of rain is still fresh in the air as Felix runs. People part for him, scuttling out his way without a word. They'd learnt long ago that Felix wouldn't stop for them, and that questioning him would often end with a sword pointed in their direction.</p><p>Sylvain has been gone for weeks. Sent away on a mission that he'd managed to keep secret from even Felix for the first time. Nothing could fill the space Sylvain usually occupied, an empty, person shaped hole that followed Felix everywhere and had him snapping at people that <em>no, I don't miss that idiot, shut up</em><em>. </em>Even as he curled under the covers at night and could still feel the way Sylvain would wrap him in his arms and hold him against his chest, could still listen to his breathing slow as he fell asleep, could still hear the thump of Sylvain's heart beneath his ear.</p><p>As soon as word of his return reached him, Felix had left his sparring partner and ran for the gates. Nothing else matters to him in that moment other than seeing that familiar head of flaming hair, the easy smile that chases the shadows away, feeling Sylvain's arms wrap around him and pull him in close.</p><p>There is no hiding the way Sylvain's hair catches the light, or the way the mere sight of it causes Felix's heart to catch in his chest.</p><p>He is so overwhelmed by his reaction to seeing Sylvain again that he just stops dead, staring at him in wonderment. Has Sylvain always looked this good? Felix doesn't know. He remembers someone telling him that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and it reassures him to think that Sylvain will ruin it the second he opens his stupid mouth.</p><p>Except something is wrong.</p><p>The smile that Sylvain gives him when he sees him isn't right. It's still Sylvain's smile, just...brittle, somehow. It doesn't reach his eyes in the same way, the warmth that he usually always directs at Felix, has directed at Felix for so long he doesn't remember what it feels like not to be looked at that way by those soft hazel eyes, just isn't there.</p><p>The way Sylvain takes his hand is easy, familiar as breathing. Something he's done hundreds of times before. After that smile, though, it feels wrong. Felix feels cold dread spread outwards from his chest. Something isn't right, and he doesn't know what, but all he wants is for Sylvain to make a scene, to kiss him until he's blushing and complaining that Sylvain just likes the attention.</p><p>When he finally stops, in an empty room, the look on Sylvain's face is sombre. It is so unlike the Sylvain that Felix knows. He feels his heart drop at Sylvain's words.</p><p>"Felix, we need to talk."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But now I'll go sit on the floor<br/>
Wearing your clothes<br/>
All that I know is<br/>
I don't know how to be something you miss<br/>
Never thought we'd have a last kiss<br/>
Never imagined we'd end like this<br/>
Your name, forever the name on my lips</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The shirt hangs off him, Sylvain always was broader than he was. Felix leans back against the bed, feels the fabric shift against his skin. He hates that he's doing this, hates the he kept Sylvain's clothes rather than burning them like he did the letters.</p><p>Some things are harder to let go of.</p><p>Felix wonders what Sylvain is doing, now that he's gone home, now that his father has died and he's for the first time developed a sense of duty and ran back to run his house. Wonders if he thinks of him at all. Wonders if he <em>misses</em> him.</p><p>Felix doesn't think he's ever been someone that anyone would miss, much less someone like Sylvain. He's probably already courting beautiful women, falling back into his old skirt chasing behaviour. Felix hopes that they appreciate it, while it lasts. He hopes they know that Sylvain never bathes anyone in his laughter, bright as sunshine, for very long.</p><p>He really thought that he'd been different, somehow. That Sylvain loved him. Really loved him, in that way that the simpering idiots in Ashe's books loved people. He should have known better. He should have <em>thought</em>.</p><p>He isn't angry at Sylvain, he realises. He's come to expect this kind of thing from him. Impulsive, stupid behaviour, leaving behind a mess for someone else to clean up, a string of broken hearts for other people to fix. Felix isn't angry at Sylvain, he's angry at himself. He's angry that he allowed this, that he let his guard down, that he believed that he was somehow different and more important to Sylvain.</p><p>He's angry that he allowed someone enough power over him to hurt him like this.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I do remember<br/>
The swing in your step<br/>
The life of the party, you're showing off again<br/>
And I roll my eyes and then<br/>
You pull me in<br/>
I'm not much for dancing<br/>
But for you I did</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Felix hates parties.</p><p>He's always hated parties. He doesn't see much point in them. Everyone grows older, why celebrate that? Time would be better used training. Sylvain loves parties, though. Of course he loves parties. When he'd discovered it was Professor Byleth's birthday he'd been adamant about throwing her a party, food and music and everything. Felix has grouched at every decision, reminding Sylvain of the things their Professor actually likes, until Sylvain shot him a bright smile and said that maybe he didn't hate parties so much after all.</p><p>"No, I hate parties," he snaps, arms folding across his chest.</p><p>"Mmhm," Sylvain says non-committally, smirking teasingly. "Then why are you helping me so much?"</p><p>"Because you make terrible decisions, and our Professor doesn't deserve to suffer through them like everyone else has to."</p><p>Sylvain grins. Rakish, flirty, sparks flying through Felix's blood. He scowls.</p><p>"So it's not that you like parties, its that you like me?"</p><p>"No," Felix snaps. "I don't like you, either."</p><p>Sylvain grins again, eyes sparkling like he knows the secrets of the universe. The look in his eyes sees right through him, through all the things Felix is and all the things he's hiding. He's always been able to do that, has always known how to decipher Felix's dark scowls and folded arms. He hates it, hates Sylvain's easy, knowing smile.</p><p>"Of course not," he says in that stupid, knowing voice. "Now, how about flowers?"</p><p> </p><p>----</p><p> </p><p>Sylvain is a show off. He's always been a show off. He enjoys having people look at him, and fawn over him, his laughter bouncing around the room as he dances with anyone brave enough to agree to it. Every time someone else bends under Sylvain's puppy dog charm, Felix rolls his eyes. No one in this house has any resolve.</p><p>Felix is only there because Annette and Ashe had caught him on his way to the training grounds and said that he should go, that Sylvain had put a lot of work into it and it would be a shame for him not to support him. Felix had tried to decline, but there was a steely look in Ashe's eyes that reminded Felix that he was capable of picking locks, and so he'd just sighed, and now he was leaning against a wall, wearing his darkest scowl in the hope of scaring everyone away.</p><p>Nothing seems to scare Sylvain.</p><p>He tugs at Felix's hand, trying to loosen his crossed arms. The smile Sylvain wears could chase away the clouds on the darkest of days, and so Felix merely glares at him. It does nothing to deter Sylvain. It never has.</p><p>"Come on! Dance with me!" he pleads, breathless from laughter and dancing. His eyes are bright, and there are pink spots on his cheek as he gives Felix a pleading, lopsided grin. Any resolve that Felix might have had left melts.</p><p>"Fine."</p><p>If his terse response affects Sylvain he doesn't show it, he just grins and drags Felix to the centre of the room, twirling him around as everyone watches. Sylvain's joy does nothing to cool the heat in Felix's cheeks, but the way Sylvain looks at him, like there is no one else in the room, makes his embarrassment seem somehow worth it.</p><p>"I never took you for much of a dancer, Felix."</p><p>"I'm not," he snaps, not even turning to look at Ingrid. He doesn't want to see the small, knowing smile that she always wears when she talks to him about Sylvain.</p><p>"I see. So it's just for him, is it?"</p><p>The look Felix shoots her would make anyone with any sense quake where they stand. Ingrid, however, has already proven that she has no sense, and merely smiles.</p><p>"I hate you."</p><p>Ingrid just gives a soft laugh, turning to look at Sylvain where is he spinning a giggling Mercedes under his arm. Felix pretends like he hasn't been watching him, too, and turns his face to stare at the wall.</p><p>"He feels the same, you know," she says, still watching as Mercedes excuses herself, tired, and Sylvain sets his sights on Felix again. "He'd say yes, if you asked."</p><p>"I have nothing to ask him," Felix snaps, a growl catching in his throat. "Leave me alone."</p><p>As Sylvain descends upon them, begging Felix to dance with him again, Ingrid gives Felix a look like she knows everything. He glowers at her, and she laughs, and her <em>I told you so</em> expression follows him for the rest of the evening as he allows Sylvain to dance with him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Because I love your handshake<br/>
Meetin' my father<br/>
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets<br/>
How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something<br/>
There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"One day, you'll fall and break your face," Felix says, watching as Sylvain wanders along with his hands tucked into his pockets. "And I will say I told you so."</p><p>Sylvain turns to look at him, a smile on his face. He doesn't move his hands, and Felix tuts and rolls his eyes. He's always been like this. Stupid, and stubborn, and ignoring advice. When he inevitably falls down, and hurts his stupid pretty boy face, Felix will smirk and tell Sylvain he told him so.</p><p>When Sylvain winks at a girl, spinning her some line with that sparkle in his eyes, Felix huffs unhappily.</p><p>"I'm going to go and train," he grumbles. "This is stupid."</p><p>"Feliiiiiix!" Sylvain wheedles, slipping in front of him. "Come on. Have fun for once."</p><p>"With you? Impossible. I'm going to train."</p><p>He steps neatly around Sylvain, tugging his arm out of his grasp when he reaches out to grab it. Felix scowls at him.</p><p>"Come on, Felix. Why are you so obsessed with training? Why can't you just relax for once?"</p><p>"My training is important," he says. "If I don't keep it up, I'll lose focus. If I lose focus, then-"</p><p>He begins the same speech he always give Sylvain when he asks this question, like he is explaining himself to a simpleton, and Sylvain gives him this unusual smile and then...</p><p>...and then they're kissing.</p><p>"Hey! Hey! I was talking! What the hell!"</p><p>He pushes Sylvain away, face scarlet, and Sylvain chuckles, twirling some of Felix's hair around his finger. Felix slaps his hand away, growling at him.</p><p>"What was that, Sylvain!"</p><p>"I kissed you."</p><p>"But, but <em>why</em>? Goddess, Sylvain, you never think things through! Just walk away if you don't want to hear my reasons, why would you-mmmph!"</p><p>Sylvain's mouth slides over his again, hands cupping his face. Felix's eyes go wide but this time, he freezes, arms partially raised to...to what? Push Sylvain away? Pull him closer? Felix isn't sure anymore, as his blood thunders in his ears and his heart pounds in his chest.</p><p>When Sylvain pulls away, hands still cupping Felix's face gently like he's something precious, he's looking at Felix with a fire in his eyes that he's never seen there before.</p><p>"Sylvain, what...what..." He can't get the thought out before Sylvain is kissing him again, and this time Felix wraps his arms around him, clinging to him like Sylvain is his lifeline.</p><p>It isn't the last time that Sylvain will kiss him mid sentence, and Felix never thought that he would miss those interruptions.</p><p>He never thought that Sylvain would leave.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>And I'll go sit on the floor<br/>
Wearing your clothes<br/>
All that I know is that<br/>
I don't know how to be something you miss<br/>
Never thought we'd have a last kiss<br/>
Never imagined we'd end like this<br/>
Your name, forever the name on my lips</em>
</p><p> </p><p>As much as Felix tries to carry on as normal, it's hard. Nothing feels the same. He feels Sylvain's absence everywhere he goes. He feels it when he's training, and Sylvain isn't there to tell him he works too hard and try to get him to stop; he feels it when he stays up too late, and Sylvain isn't there to coax him into bed with honeyed words and soft touches; he feels it when he wakes up alone, with all the sheets, still warm for the first time since Sylvain started staying with him every night. Sylvain not being there feels like a gaping wound – painful, persistent, and unable to heal.</p><p>But he tries. He trains, and he stays up too late, and he wakes up warm, and he tries to convince himself that this is better. There are no interruptions to the routine he's worked so hard to perfect. There is nothing to prevent him from achieving his goals.</p><p>His achievements feel kind of hollow without someone to share them with. Without <em>Sylvain</em> to share them with.</p><p>Despite his best efforts, Felix still spends too many of his evenings in one of Sylvain's shirts, curling up in the bed that feels too big without Sylvain there to share it. Felix hates it. He hates it, the feeling of loneliness that clings to everything he does. This is why he never wanted this. If he never let anyone too close, then they could never hurt him like this.</p><p>Except he'd made a mistake. He'd let Sylvain too close. He'd let his guard down, charmed as everyone was by Sylvain's smiles and his winks and his teasing words, and look what it had gotten him. Angry, and hurt, and lashing out at his friends.</p><p>And despite all that, despite the anger and the hurt and the lashing out, Felix still doesn't hate Sylvain. He wishes he could hate Sylvain.</p><p>Everything would be easier if he could just hate Sylvain.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep<br/>
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe<br/>
And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are<br/>
Hope it's nice where you are</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"I can't believe Sylvain is really going through with it."</p><p>"You can't? He's always been impulsive, Dimitri."</p><p>"Yes, but I never thought he'd really leave us, leave the war effort, to get married."</p><p>"I never thought he'd leave Felix."</p><p>"Once a skirt chaser, always a skirt chaser, I suppose."</p><p>The words hit harder than normal. This morning, Felix woke up from a dream of Sylvain, and the ghost of him was everywhere. His scent, his warmth, the way his chest rose and fell beneath Felix's cheek.</p><p>Mornings like this were the worst.</p><p>It only got worse as he overheard Ingrid and Dimitri talking. Dedue was there, too, a silent, towering presence as always. They quiet when they realise Felix is there, watching him carefully. He sees the pity in Ingrid's bottle green eyes, sees the gentle concern in Dimitri's. Dedue is as impenetrable as ever, but Felix thinks even he holds gentle pity and concern.</p><p>Felix scowls.</p><p>"Fuck off."</p><p>The pity he sees only grows as he snaps, and it only makes him angrier. Ingrid raises a hand as if to comfort him, but he slaps her hand away. Remembering who she's dealing with, Ingrid's expression softens, and Felix glowers at her.</p><p>"We should train with him more to take his mind off it."</p><p>"Ah, Your Highness..."</p><p>Dedue's gentle reminder comes too late. Dimitri's attempt to whisper has failed, as it always does, and Felix hears every word.</p><p>"I'm fine. There's nothing to take my mind off," he growls, even as a litany of <em>marriage, married, he's getting married and its not to you</em> repeats in his mind. Ingrid sighs quietly.</p><p>"We're just trying to help, Felix."</p><p>He knows that. He does. He's still angry.</p><p>"I don't need your help. Just leave me alone, and tell me who I need to fight."</p><p>With that, he storms off, unsheathing his sword and working on leaving thick, heavy cuts in the wooden training dummies. He can hear Dimitri still trying to whisper, and he drowns out the boar's voice by heaving his sword into the wood. He wonders where Sylvain is. He wonders if he's happy. He wonders if he regrets his decision.</p><p>He wonders if Sylvain ever thinks about him.</p><p>He keeps going until the ache in his arms is the only one he can think about.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>And I hope the sun shines<br/>
And it's a beautiful day<br/>
And something reminds you<br/>
You wish you had stayed<br/>
You can plan for a change in weather and time<br/>
But I never planned on you changing your mind</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Learning about Sylvain's marriage puts Felix back weeks. All the work he's put into moving on, into forgetting about Sylvain, into perfecting his routine, into planning so much each day that he doesn't have a moment to stop and think. All of it is useless now.</p><p>He hates doing nothing, but he just can't face the day. He finds somewhere quiet, far away from everyone where they're training and discussing their next moves. He sits in the shade of a tree, and watches as clouds move to allow a shaft of sunlight to light up the space next to him. He turns his face away, glaring across the lake he's sat next to.</p><p>On days like this, when its warm and humid and it makes Felix miserable, he remembers Sylvain laughing, stripping down to as little as he can get away with. Laughing as Felix's face warms, and he turns away. Even before they were together, Sylvain knew how to get to him. Felix tries not to think about how long it took him to realise.</p><p>For how much Felix plans, has always planned, has always had his life revolve around training and getting to where he wants to be, the one thing he never planned for was Sylvain leaving. They'd promised. They had promised that they would die together and now...</p><p>...And now Felix is alone.</p><p>Its what he thought he'd wanted, once. To be alone. To have no one bother him. But now that he has it, now that he's avoiding Ingrid's pity and comfort and Dimitri's too loud whispers and forced happiness, he realises that it's terrible. He realises that he's never really wanted it.</p><p>All he wants is Sylvain.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>So I'll go sit on the floor<br/>
Wearing your clothes<br/>
All that I know is that<br/>
I don't know how to be something you miss<br/>
Never thought we'd have a last kiss<br/>
Never imagined we'd end like this<br/>
Your name, forever the name on my lips</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Mm, Sylvain...ah!"</p><p>Felix's eyes fly open. Its dark, and he can hear the wind tugging at the tent flaps, and oh. He's had another one. Another dream of Sylvain, hands and mouth and tongue in places that no one else has ever been. He feels hot all over, his face burning, and he glowers into the darkness.</p><p>"...Felix? Are...are you alright?"</p><p>Oh, fuck.</p><p>How could he forget that he wasn't alone? Oh, right. This was the first mission he'd ever gone on when he wasn't sharing his tent with Sylvain.</p><p>"It's nothing, Ashe. If I woke you...I'm sorry."</p><p>"Oh, no, it's okay! I was just...worried."</p><p>Of course he was. Everyone has been worried. No one else has had him trapped like this, though.</p><p>"I don't want to talk about it."</p><p>"I understand," Ashe's voice is quiet. "Do you want anything? I was going to go and get some water. I can get you some, too."</p><p>Felix softens, just a little. It's not just an offer for water. It's an offer to be alone.</p><p>"Water would be good. Thank you."</p><p>Ashe murmurs that its nothing and slips from the tent, leaving Felix alone. He lets out a breath, closing his eyes. It doesn't help. Just makes the images from his dream clearer, and he groans.</p><p>He still lying there, eyes open as he tries to distract his thoughts, when Ashe returns with the water. He hears him settle back on his side of the tent and they sit in silence for a while. Felix hates it.</p><p>"You know, if you wanted to talk about it...I won't tell the others."</p><p>If it came from anyone else, Felix would be angry. But this is Ashe. He means well. He always means well, and somehow Felix can't find a shred of anger for him.</p><p>"I'd rather not."</p><p>"I understand."</p><p>The silence stretches between them again. Felix sips his water, and tries not to think about Sylvain, and fails. All he can ever think about is Sylvain.</p><p>"...He misses you, too, you know. If it helps."</p><p>He didn't know. He wishes he didn't know. He exhales, long and low, and he's sure that whatever it is inside him that breaks at Ashe's words is audible.</p><p>"It doesn't."</p><p>"Oh, ah. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."</p><p>"Its fine, Ashe. You were trying to help." Felix sighs. He knows he won't sleep again now. "I'm going for a walk."</p><p>He ignores Ashe's protests as he flings the tent flaps open, striding away into the night. His words mean that Ashe has seen Sylvain. That he's spoken to Sylvain. He thinks that Sylvain misses him.</p><p>If he did, then why hadn't he come home?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Just like our last kiss<br/>
Forever the name on my lips<br/>
Forever the name on my lips<br/>
Just like our last</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It is Sylvain's wedding day.</p><p>It is also the first time that Felix has cried since he left.</p><p>He's sat on the floor, back against his bed. No one else is here. They're all at the wedding. Ingrid had stopped by, to ask if Felix wanted some company, but he'd shooed her away. All he wanted was to be alone.</p><p>Once he was, he'd slipped into one of Sylvain's shirts, and sat on the floor, and then his cheeks felt wet. He hadn't cried for years. Had prided himself on it. But now, today, with the realisation that Sylvain really wasn't come back, he cried.</p><p>Maybe he should have asked Ingrid to stay. She probably would have annoyed him enough to stop him crying.</p><p>He wasn't able to be surpass Glenn. He wasn't able to prove himself to his brother. He wasn't good enough, and he wasn't good enough for Sylvain to stay. His chest feels tight and empty all at once.</p><p>His hair falls loose around his face, Felix having no motivation to do anything with it. He stares at the floor at his feet, trying to ignore the way the tears sting at his eyes.</p><p>"Stupid," he mutters. "You're stupid."</p><p>Stupid for letting Sylvain so close, stupid for loving him, stupid for believing Sylvain when he had told Felix that he loved him.</p><p>He's so focused on thinking about Sylvain and trying not to think about Sylvain that he doesn't hear the footsteps outside, it doesn't register that no one should be coming to this part of the castle, that no one is here because they're all away at Sylvain's wedding. He doesn't notice until the door opens, and he jumps, and he looks over and sees -</p><p>- he sees flaming hair and hazel eyes, and the expression on that familiar, handsome face is one of panic that he's never seen there before. He's breathing hard, dressed in his formal wear, and the smile he gives Felix is shaky at best.</p><p>He wants to say something. Anything. He just stays where he is, staring at Sylvain with eyes still wet with tears, Sylvain's shirt still hanging loose on his shoulders. He can only stare wide eyed as they both stay where the are, frozen in place, until Sylvain lurches forward, arms reaching out for him.</p><p>He hauls Felix to his feet and then he's home, tucked against Sylvain's chest and he wants to be angry. He wants to scream and shout and shove Sylvain away, to demand to know just what he thinks he's doing. But he can't. He just stands there, pressed against Sylvain's chest, until he raises his hands to rest gently on his hips. It takes him a long moment to realise that Sylvain is shuddering, and it isn't until Sylvain sniffles that he understands why.</p><p>When he speaks, his voice is thick with tears.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Felix."</p><p>When he replies, Felix's voice is just as thick.</p><p>"I know."</p>
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